Question:
My partner and I are want to use condoms. We really don’t need anything super special - no ribbing or warming or tingling or any of that silliness.  But we both want something sturdy. Something that won’t give out, but will still let us feel what’s going on.  Any suggestions? Also, we’re looking into lube while we’re at it and the two major choices are almost always KY or Astroglide. I usually find Astroglide to be kinda runny…are there any better brands that I’m just not aware of?

Answer:
Good question! However, all condoms sold in the US have to pass FDA tests in the US (similar testing in other countries) so they are all essentially similarly effective as long as they are latex condoms sold in the US (polyurethane condoms break a small % more often). If you are buying condoms outside of the US, you will need to look into the testing standards in your own country.

If large size is an issue, try a Maxim or Maxim XL type of condom. If small size is an issue, perhaps a snugger or slimmer fit condom. (If you are outside the US and would like a more personalized condom fit, consider the TheyFit condom). Otherwise, any condom should do and it’s just up to personal preference. If you (or your partner, if your partner is a guy) are prone to erection problems with condoms (as many men are), you might steer clear of the "desensitizing" condoms that help men to last longer as the numbing agents used in them (to desensitize) can numb a man’s penis so much that erections can become more challenging. If you are easily excitable and erections aren’t an issue for you, but rapid ejaculation is, then those condoms types might be fine. 
 
Condoms with roomier heads such as Pleasure Plus, Inspiral or Trojan Twisted Pleasure may provide more sensation to the head of your penis. Once you find a condom that you like, the most important issue is really about using it correctly and every single time. Some people start to have sex without a condom on, or take it off mid-way through - not a good idea. The condom should be on prior to penetration and stay on the entire time for maximim protection. A small dab of lube can be used in the inside tip of the condom to reduce the risk of breakage (and to enhance pleasure), as can lube on the outside of the condom (but just a fair amount - no need for gobs of lube, as too much lube can cause slippage).
 
To reduce the risk of infection even more, consider pulling out (or having your partner pull out) prior to ejaculation, even though you’re using condoms. That way, even if the condom happens to have broken or slipped off, you will have that extra layer of protection. Or get creative and come in different places (like in a towel, on one’s stomach as long as there are no cuts there, etc). Or just do other things like use toys, get into mutual masturbation, watch each other, etc. 
 
If it’s been a while since you’ve read about condom tips, you might read over these tips here. 
 
As for lubes, there are a lot of decent ones out there but it’s really personal preference. I’d steer clear of spermicidal lubes which contain nonoxynol 9 (N9) and can irritate the vagina or anus. You might check out a local adult bookstore and get a bunch of their small sample-sized "pillow packs" so you can try different ones. Either water or silicone based products are safe to use with latex condoms (oil and petroleum products are big no-nos, as they can cause latex condoms to break). I like Good Clean Love and Just Like Me (both are water-based) but people have a wide variety of preferences. For anal sex or sex that lasts a long time, you might want to go with a more hardy silicone-based lubricant.

Hope this helps - let me know if you’d like more info!!
 

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Prostate cancer screenings after the age of 75 are no longer being recommended, according to this article from the New York Times:

Why?

"In a move that could lead to significant changes in medical care for older men, a national task force on Monday recommended that doctors stop screening men ages 75 and older for prostate cancer because the search for the disease in this group was causing more harm than good. "

and in a more depressing way of putting it:

"Past task force guidelines noted there was no benefit to prostate cancer screening in men with less than 10 years left to live. Since it can be difficult to assess life expectancy, it was an informal recommendation that had limited impact on screening practices. The new guidelines take a more definitive stand, however, stating that the age of 75 is clearly the point at which screening is no longer appropriate."

I wonder how this might play out for men who are from families who tend to live quite long, into their 90s or even 100. Would they still be screened at 75, given that they might last longer than 10 years? Hmmm….

Thanks to writer Tara Parker-Pope for bringing us the news. Read the full article here.

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Thanks to reader Anne for sending me a link to this article about why (and how and where) people have sex in (potentially) public spaces. You know - like sex in parks, dressing rooms, bathrooms, stores, churches, cars on the side of the road or parked behind abandoned buildings or closed shops, etc.

What is it about having sex in public? What’s the appeal? This article gets at little bits of it, particularly for those who choose to have sex in public because they want the thrill of maybe being caught or of being a bit exhibitionist. But I contend that there is another type of public sex that has little to nothing to do with that. Sometimes two people have such strong desires for each other - and maybe it only happens once in your life (one particular relationship) - that they literally cannot seem to not have sex immediately. Maybe it happens two or three times, ever, if you’re particularly fortunate or experienced.

This is what I am talking about: that, if the two were home, they would have sex privately. But if they are out in public, and it feels uncontrollable (even though, of course it likely is controllable), then that may explain at least a portion of the broom closet or bathroom sex events.

A 50-ish woman once told me about a relationship of hers that had just ended. She had had several very long-term monogamous relationships in her life, and a few flings and short relationships too. But not until her 50s did she come across a partner that she had such an unbelievable chemistry for - another woman who she had such strong chemistry with that they found themselves having sex in very risky, potentially public situations. Fortunately they had not got caught, and that wasn’t what she said they were after; it was just the immediacy factor. They simply had to be sexual with each other right then and there, when the feelings came on. Their desires were almost unquenchable The relationship was passionate and fiery in many ways but it was also short-lived (less than a year).

I know other women and men who have had similarly strong (and, again, relatively short-lived) sexual relationships. What is it about them? And how they drive ordinarily well-controlled, rational and patient women and men to act in ways that they perhaps would otherwise not? Is there a biological urge with some people that is particularly stronger than with others? One might argue that perhaps those are the best biological matches from an evolutionary perspective to mate with but then again (a) it seems many of those relationships are short-lived and not compatible in emotional ways and (b) how to account for the same-sex attractions that are just as strong as the other-sex attractions?

So what is it? And what do you think? Do you jump head first into these? Have you ever had such strong attractions? Did you have sex in potentially public spaces? And what is related to the thrill of getting caught or just because you felt like you absolutely had to have sex right that minute?

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Wow. Now here is an encouraging sing-a-long about testicular self-examination. It’s got some good information in it, aside from being funny. So men - check out your testicles. Do they look okay to you? Do you feel lumps or bumps that feel different or unusual to you? And those of you who have male partners - check out their testicles with either your fingers or your mouth (yes, really - it can be both fun and sexy) to promote the sexual health of your partner. And, of course, check out this video.

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