There’s no foreplay anymore, just the big deed. How do I get him to be more romantic in the bedroom!

Consider what you mean by wanting more foreplay. After all, you also said you want him to be more romantic. For some people, more foreplay means extra time spent having oral sex before having intercourse. For you, more foreplay may mean massaging each other for 20 minutes before kissing, touching and having sex.

Try, then, doing what it is you want done. If you want massages, light candles, undress and then ask him to turn over onto his stomach while you rub his back with lotion. Then ask for a turn at receiving massage. You can also read poetry together in bed (I like Pablo Neruda’s 100 Love Sonnets as they’re short but erotically charged).

You might also try making sex tastier such as by sprinkling mint julep flavored body sugar (available at Tulip) on his or your parts so that they can be licked up with love. Want more kissing? Then kiss and kiss and kiss some more. If he tries to rush sex, back off and say “not yet” with a sly smile. Or let him know that you find it more pleasurable, exciting or easier to orgasm if you can build arousal through foreplay before starting intercourse. That’s true for many women and men, too, find it easier to stay aroused (which translates into firmer erections) after foreplay, too, which is why – though they may not initiate foreplay – they often like it just as much as women do. Check out more foreplay tips for better sex in my book, Because It Feels Good.

[Originally published in a January 2010 guest column I wrote for The Nest]

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