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Part of having better, more enjoyable and – yes, possibly more easily orgasmic – sex has to do with learning about it. Most women and men didn’t learn much about sex in middle school or high school. If you did learn about sex, you probably learned mostly about preventing infections or pregnancy or the myriad reasons why teachers and parents thought you should wait to have sex. (more…)
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Same sex couples in DC will soon be able to marry. According to this CNN article, same sex couples will be able to apply for marriage licenses starting tomorrow (Wed) although they will have to wait 3 full days to be able to legally marry.
Me? I couldn’t be happier… well, unless same sex marriage were legal all over the country and not just in a few parts of it.
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So sayeth (sort of) one of my favorite posts from Gizmodo, ever – and not just because its writer is a good guy.
In addition to it being solid, interesting, entertaining writing with a tale to tell, as you may know, I have a thing for love, hearts, sex and heartache. I also have a thing for love stories including Taylor Swift’s song called Love Story (yes, I know) and the greatest love stories of all time (think Victoria & Albert, Clapton & the renamed “Layla”, and my maternal grandparents, Lillian & John, who were married for 67 years when my grandfather died). (more…)
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Who hasn’t had days during which they feel a little meh or downright gross about their body? Or days during which they feel utterly sexy, seductive and beautiful? Sometimes we feel like this on our own. Other times we feel these ways thanks (or not thanks) to the gaze of a partner, the words of a friend (or frenemy), the beauty industry or particularly well fitting (or ill fitting) pants.
And yet, for all that women and men experience in regard to their bodies, we know very little about how the day to day fluctuations in body image intersect with our sexual experiences: whether we want to have sex with the lights on or off, wearing lingerie, standing up or laying down, oral sex or vaginal sex, rear entry or missionary, or whether we feel confident and in charge or whether we want to slink away under the covers.
Sonya Satinsky, a doctoral student at Indiana University, is looking to change that. She is conducting an incredibly interesting study on women’s body image and sexuality and she’s currently recruiting women to participate. Want to learn more or participate? Check out her study web site. And please feel free to share the link with a friend or girlfriend/wife – the more women in the study, the merrier.
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If no one’s ever told you before, let me be the first: your sexual health is important. Super important. Even vitally, wonderfully important. And it’s critical that you invest it. Here’s how you can work toward better sexual health:
1) Ladies: Get back in those stirrups! Make sure to schedule your annual gyn exam. Even if you’re broke or in between health insurance plans, schedule it anyway. Planned Parenthood clinics offer sliding scale services all over the place as do many county and state health departments (check www.cdc.gov to find your local health department). When you’re there, ask the doctor or nurse what they’re doing, what they’re testing for (many women mistakenly think that they are automatically getting tested for STIs/STDs, which doesn’t often happen) and how things look.
2) Love Your Body. We know that women with a more positive body image and genital self-image tend to take better care of their sexual health. We also know that women with more positive body image tend to feel more confident in the bedroom, more comfortable taking it all off and more inclined to try a variety of sex positions. Yay for the adventurous side of you! Check out some of the homework exercises in my book, Because It Feels Good, that encourage women to check out their genitals or – with a partner – to get naked together and check out each others’ parts in the mirror. There are fun, sexy ways to learn to love your own and your partner’s body. Why not start now?
3) Be here now. Mindfulness – you know, the whole “being in the present moment” thing from yoga class – has been shown to help women improve their desire and arousal. Try to find this pleasure-focused, now-focused side of yourself and cultivate it. Not only will it help you get through a mind-numbing work meeting, it just may help you embrace every sensuous second of your time with your most favorite person, naked (of course).
4) Ask about the HPV vaccine. Will either of the two (yes, there are two – Gardasil and Cervarix) HPV vaccines prevent all cases of cervical cancer? No. Might they prevent some? Yes. Might they prevent a bunch of abnormal cervical changes? Yes again. The HPV vaccines are not for everyone but they may be helpful to many young women and men. Check in with your healthcare provider to see if one of the vaccines may be a good option for you.
5) Check yourself out. About once each month, take a look at your vulva. Not your car – your vulva, your genitals, the lady parts between your legs. Regular self examination of your vulva can help you catch things such as genital warts, benign skin disorders or vulvar cancer (which is very rare) early which can lead to more effective treatment. Vulvar self-examination can also help women to become more familiar with their bodies and learn to love them (see #2 above) which is a good thing.
Your sexual health is influenced by the health of your body and your mind (and comfort with sex) so try to get in the habit of caring for yourself so that you’ll be better situated for a more delicious sex life.
[Originally published in my weekly sex column at Cheeky Chicago.]
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I love this clip from Louis CK on Conan (Yes, Conan!!) about technology and how people take things from granted. And I can’t help but thinking how parts of the same clip apply to sex, too.
“Everything is amazing right now and nobody’s happy.”
Stop taking your iPhones and your sex for granted! If possible. Yes, your cell phone signal is going to space. But the way you lightly trail your fingers along your partner’s body while gazing into their eyes or kissing their lips is going to both their brain and their heart – and those signals and how they get there are similarly complex and mysterious as compared to space.
It’s all magic, people. Magic, I tell you! Enjoy it as you find it.
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I just got back last night from a sexual health training with about 300 Puerto Rican women – it was amazing! They were an incredibly smart, articulate, interesting and attentive group and I couldn’t have had a better time (Thank you, Denise and Erin!).
While I get back on track with work, check out these recent blog posts and sex columns I’ve written:
- Q&A Will She Ever Desire Me Again (from my Men’s Health blog)
- Men peeing when erect, a 16 yr old who wants to buy a vibrator and buildign up semen volume to film the “money shot” at home (from my weekly Time Out Chicago sex column)
- Can you have a fetish for belly dancing women? (from my weekly Time Out Chicago column) – by the way, this question arrived the same week that I was coincidentally starting to take belly dance classes!
- Can I Be Friends With Her Boyfriend? (from my Men’s Health blog)
- Take Your Time in Love and Sex (from my Psychology Today blog)
- Tasty penis-themed food (from my Time Out Chicago blog)
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Loading ...Candy canes are sooooo yummy, are they not? Too bad they have all those silly little empty sugar calories in them. Not to fear, though – not all candy canes are made of sugar. Some are made of spice – or at least they’re good for spicy sex, that is.
